Why yes, I am still alive! I know I haven't posted much, lately. Today I thought I would do a list of some truths, about me.
1. I have cellulite, stretch marks and lots of loose skin. But Lori, we don't see it in your pics. So I will tell you just where it is. It is in my thighs, boobs and right below my bikini line. This is why you don't see it. No way in HELL, will I EVER where short shorts, my progress pics are taken in workout pants and a sports bra and I am not dipping down that low, to show you some loose skin above my cha-cha! BUT....I still want to always be real and let you know, it is there!
2. I do not suck my gut in when I take progress pics. WHY??? Because I would be lying to myself. I NEED to see what I REALLY look like. This stems from my issues with body dysmorphia. I don't want to "make" myself look "thinner" than I am.
3. I have wrinkles. If you don't see them in my pics, don't worry, they are there. I don't try to hide them, but the ole iPhone does. Oh and I have frown lines and smile lines too. So this is why I try and smile BIG, it is way more flattering than a frown!
4. I cannot and will not follow someone that is obviously struggling with an eating disorder or body image disorder. I was that girl and I cannot go back. Seeing some girls that are barely 20, posting about how they have 8% body fat, makes me sad AND mad. THIS...is why little girls start to hate their bodies at such a young age. That is NOT attainable, unless you take drastic measures. I am 41, I have hips and thighs, that will ALWAYS be there. I don't want to be all muscle. I want to eat and be happy. I cannot let what I look like consume my life. NO THANKS!
5. I do not eat clean 100% of the time. Nor will I ever. For some, it's doable, not this wine loving, beer drinking, pizza eating girl. NO THANKS! Life is too short. If I want it, I will eat it. There was a point in my life where I was OBSESSED with every freaking thing that went in my mouth and I was one miserable bitch. I was out of control. I am so passed that and have never been happier.
6. I am not a workout junkie. If it takes more than 20-35 minutes, I don't do it. It doesn't fit my lifestyle. I would much rather snuggle with my babies and have some flab, than be ultra fit and spend hours trying to maintain it. But this is MY choice. I choose to workout at home, in my bedroom while my kids are there with me, on the computer, playing math games. It works for us.
7. I have never worn spanx...and here is why. I don't want to pretend I am all flat and toned. I would be lying to ME. This is also from my issues way back when I was bulimic and obsessed with image. If I have a food baby, at a wedding reception, in my tight dress, so be it. I have to keep it real, for ME. I don't want to look in the mirror and go, "damn I am looking thin today" only to wake up the next day and go, "ummm....wtf happened, I did not look this big last night. See I am weird AND have issues. BUT....I am a work in progress. And honest, maybe too honest...lol!
8. I worry too much about what people think about my pics on IG, and it has gotten at times, unhealthy. I worry that people are saying, "she has edited the hell out of that pic, "wow she looks way bigger today", "she is totally angling that camera to make her look thinner than she is". Yep, all those thoughts have gone through my head and they shouldn't. I shouldn't care what others think. BUT....I am human. It shows me that I still have some work to do, on my self image.
9. My weight loss does not define me. It IS.... a special part of me, and has played a MAJOR role in my life. But..... if I died tomorrow, the one thing I would want people to know about me is that I have a good heart. THAT...is what defines me. A heart that loves hard, and fights for what is right. A heart that is so full of love for her babies, her husband, family and friends. A heart that only wants to see good things happen to people. A heart that wishes she could help those in need. A heart that is simple, but real. It's hard to get that across in a photo of me in a bikini, I get that. It's hard not to judge when you see superficial things. I am guilty of it too.
10. Lastly, I worry that my kids will someday struggle with their weight or body image and it scares the living daylights out of me. I don't want them to ever feel what I, and so many others, have felt. It's a pain that is so deep and one that is hard to ever truly get over. At the same time, I pray every day that they will always stick up for the kids being bullied and all the "underdogs". Even if it means, they will get crap from others, for it. Too many kids today, don't have anyone to turn to, I want my kids to be that ONE kid, they can turn to, for acceptance.
So there you have it, a little more about me....